


Battle Lines

by darklioness82



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-18 16:18:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5934868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklioness82/pseuds/darklioness82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bernie Wolfe has an unexpected visitor, turning her world and what we thought we knew about her upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was difficult to miss the person in military fatigues who sat nervously in the busy waiting room at Holby General. The reception staff were well used to seeing their fair share of oddities; stag night party goers in ridiculous costumes, idiotic dares ending in bloodshed and kids with all manner of bizarre things stuck in various orifices. But soldiers and emergency service personnel were something different, a kinship was instinctively felt between these people who gave their lives to help and save others. The uniformed woman anxiously chewed on her nails and bounced her legs on her toes, seemingly deep in thought. Sandra, a twenty-something, slim African woman, nudged her receptionist colleague and pointed to their interesting visitor.

 

“Do you think I should go over? She’s been waiting there ages. Looks quite worried too, poor thing.” Stanley, a rotund, grey-haired caucasian man, looked at her and shook his head.

 

“Oh no, she’s waiting for that new surgeon, the one from the army who was on Darwin as a patient for a while. Major Wolfe was actually in theatre when she arrived.”

 

“Ah, okay.” Sandra’s interest was suitably piqued and she thought to keep an eye on the woman. And maybe bring her a cup of tea, it looked like she could really do with one.

 

***

 

Guy shook Bernie’s hand firmly and congratulated her on a job well done. It had been a lengthy and complicated surgery but Bernie’s confidence in her own ability was unshakable. She’d had to perform similar surgeries in less than ideal circumstances on the battlefield, so the luxury of an abundantly equipped and stable operating room was child’s play in comparison. The hardest part of her new role was navigating the interpersonal relationships of the staff. Guy was undoubtedly a brilliant surgeon, she was a walking testament to that, but he was arrogant and bullish and she had a feeling he always had to have the last word in an argument. Which meant she would have to pick her battles very carefully in future.

 

Once Bernie had changed out of her surgical scrubs, she made her way over to her office to get her lunch. She thought that 2:45pm was a comparatively reasonable time to be chomping on her long-since prepared sandwiches. She considered grabbing a coffee at some point though; she'd virtually existed on the industrial strength stuff out in the field and found that she still needed several caffeine boosts throughout the day back here in Holby.

 

Upon arriving at her desk Bernie spied a note stuck to her computer monitor. ‘ _Visitor 4U in reception. 13:10, Stanley.’_ Her eyebrows knitted in confusion, she’d not been expecting anyone today. She'd caught up with the kids less than a week ago and Marcus would be busy and held up at work until very late, just as she usually was.

 

After she and Marcus had shared a moment together after her surgery, Bernie had taken his ultimatum more seriously. However, a niggly voice inside of her knew that it was more guilt than anything else that had made her take the posting at Holby General. Deep down, in the very back of her mind, this was simply an interim arrangement, designed to keep her hand in and occupied whilst she recovered from her own surgery.

 

All in all, she'd been given six months to pass the next medical; just over eight weeks since the surgery and she was ready to begin some light training, as long as she could keep it from Marcus that was. She needed to prove to herself that she was going to make a full recovery, even if she wasn’t intending to take up her commission. She wouldn't be able to do anything too strenuous for another month but at least she had something to keep her physically and mentally active.

 

Bernie took a couple of bites of her sandwich and discarded the rest. Whoever had stopped by had been waiting some time already by the looks of things. She appeared at the reception desk and spotted her straight away, seated in the waiting area. How could she not have been drawn to that uniform? The mystery woman looked up and into Bernie’s eyes, the relief in them and in her expression was visible. Stanley had spied the army medic out of the corner of his eye and went to say something but Bernie held a hand out to stop him.

 

“I've seen her, thanks.” She hadn't even looked at him, unable to break eye contact with the tall, slender brunette. She inclined her head and beckoned her visitor to follow her. The younger woman smiled, picked up her fully loaded rucksack and stood up to join Bernie on the other side of the public area. Always a quick witted quip on the tip of her tongue, Bernie was, for once, lacking in anything meaningful to say to her guest. They fell into a practiced pace with each other, the other woman simply content to follow the Major wherever she led them.

 

***

 

Bernie’s office was big enough. A networked PC sat on top of a desk that stood in front of the window; the desk faced towards the door as opposed to the view. There was a chair behind the desk and two in front of it for patients, colleagues or visitors. A filling range stood chock full of medical journals, case histories and other useful paraphernalia on the right hand wall and some framed landscape pictures had been hung on the left for decorative purposes. Bernie ushered the younger woman in and locked the door behind her. She then shut and pulled down the slatted blinds at the front of the office. She stood staring at the closed door for a few moments before she heard the other woman’s heavy rucksack drop to the ground. Her freshly repaired heart beat faster and slow, warm tears crept down her cheeks. Bernie turned around and finally addressed her visitor.

 

“Alex…” The woman's name was spoken reverently and almost as though she couldn’t quite believe her own eyes.

 

“Oh Bernie!” The younger woman had immediately spotted her lover's tears and within a couple of strides stood in front of her. She placed her hands on the surgeon's narrow hips and pulled her body against her own. Bernie dipped her head so that her cheek was resting against Alex’s breastbone and she could wrap her arms all the way around her. The fierceness of the older woman's grip neither surprised nor hurt her and she welcomed it with relief. It also meant that she could feel her lover’s shoulders shaking as she sobbed into her military green tee-shirt. On duty, Bernie was as hard as nails, tough and ready for action at the drop of a hat. She survived in a man's world and the only way she could do that was to focus on the task at hand and bottle up her emotions. Besides, it had been an intrinsic coping mechanism for her personally too. Alex not only understood that but was also privileged enough to be the one that Bernie confided in, expressed any moments of doubt and completely let her guard down in front of.

 

Having spent more than two months apart, not entirely sure how the other was truly faring, and straight after the IED incident, the separation had weighed heavily on them both. Bernie had kept it together as best she could; burying herself into this new role and dealing with Marcus as and when required, but she'd had no one to properly talk things over with and she'd yet to deal with the trauma of the accident and her injuries. Alex hadn't been much better, entrusted with keeping Bernie’s operating theatre afloat without her just hadn't felt right. The Major ran a tight ship and they worked together seamlessly but Alex didn't have quite the same presence that her lover did. The other medics had been happy to follow her orders and respected her authority but the atmosphere and camaraderie just wasn't the same without Bernie.

 

Alex cradled the back of Bernie’s head in her hand and kissed the top of her hair. For once the older woman could let go and express her worries and insecurities without losing face.

 

“Ssh, it's okay. I'm here.” Alex continued to murmur placating nonsense and ran her fingers soothingly through her lover’s hair until the tears had subsided. Bernie gave an undignified sniff and raised her head from the other woman’s chest. She pressed a gentle kiss on the vacant spot before looking up at the very patient woman who had been holding onto her just as tightly. Bernie then stood up fully, steadying her hands on Alex’s hips as she met her eyes.

 

“Sorry, that wasn't exactly the way I'd planned to say hello.” She gave an embarrassed shrug of her shoulders and Alex grinned in response.

 

“So what would you have…” The question died in her throat as Bernie had seemingly recovered herself enough to place each of her hands either side of Alex’s cheeks and pulled her in for a searing kiss. Thank goodness her lover had thought to lock the door! Alex didn't want anything to interrupt this long-awaited moment, especially since Bernie’s tongue was very welcome just where it was. Unfortunately the need to breathe meant they did have to part lips eventually. Alex could tell that Bernie was also conscious of where exactly they were standing, which was an ingrained method of self-preservation from when they were within range of comrades and hadn’t wanted to be discovered.

 

“Hello you.” Bernie’s naturally husky voice sent a wave of longing through Alex and she was glad she still had purchase on her to keep herself upright.

 

“Hello. I've missed you.”

 

“I've missed you too. How’s my theatre? Still standing and fully operational I hope?” Bernie’s voice was short and sharp, exactly the tone she used when barking out instructions or asserting her authority.

 

“It’s been well looked after in your absence, Major. I promise. Though, I’m not sure I’m quite up to your exacting standard.” They both chuckled briefly before Alex addressed what she’d been so nervous about before. “You haven't written much. Haven't called either. I've been going out of my mind wondering if there was something you weren’t telling me.” Bernie swallowed down further tears and decided to deal with this like she dealt with everything else; head on. She took a step back from Alex, deliberately putting the physical distance between them. She was ashamed but also trying to protect her resolve, not that it had worked so far today.

 

“It was easier because I hadn't seen you. I didn't have to look you in the eye and tell you that it was over.” At that, Alex gasped in shock and she stumbled slightly, as though she'd been punched in the stomach.

 

“I don't understand.” Alex’s tone and body language was as perplexed as she was.

 

“I'm not entirely sure I do either. Perhaps this is better sitting down?” Alex nodded her head and Bernie pulled out the two chairs by the desk for them to sit on. She couldn’t completely let go of the younger woman so caught her hand and held it tightly in her own lap. “I'm doing this for Marcus and the kids...”

 

“Well, that's bollocks and you know it!” Bernie tried to use her infamous glare on Alex but the younger woman was immune to it now. She changed to a softer tone of voice “What's scared you?” Bernie looked pained and then Alex could see that her defences had been raised.

 

“I can't…” Bernie shook her head and felt unable to continue.

 

“You're not doing this to me Bernie, to us. Not after everything we've been through together!”

 

“I'm _married_! I have children. You've always known that.”

 

“You're only ‘married’ when it suits, it's a technicality. And your kids are adults with their own lives, you're the one who keeps telling _me_ that! You're running from something, what is it?”

 

“I'm not running away from anything and nothing has scared me. It was always going to come to this, you must have known that?” It would have sounded very convincing if Alex hadn’t known Bernie better. They’d known each other for five years, been lovers for nearly two. You didn’t spend that amount of time with someone, in those circumstances and not learn an important thing or two about them.

 

“What about your extended commission? You were delighted when you were asked.” Bernie’s face fell slightly and then Alex was absolutely certain this wasn't what she really wanted, not deep down. It was so out of character for her lover to concede so easily, to go so completely against her own philosophy.

 

“My priorities are different now.”

 

“Who to?”

 

“My family, they’ve been neglected for too long.” Alex thought it was a bit late for Bernie to be regretting spending the last eighteen years or so concentrating on her career instead of her family. They’d talked about the sacrifices she’d made over the years but she’d always been thoroughly convinced she had made the right decisions in the end, for everyone. Her kids were well educated, rounded individuals with a grown up outlook on life. And they were living independently of their parents, unlike most of their peers.

 

“So that's it then? Just like that it's over? I thought we cared about each other, I thought it was more… You know that I lo...” Bernie held a hand up in front of her to stop her from continuing and cut her off.

 

“Don’t! Don’t say it!”

 

“We keep having this conversation. Just because you won’t let me say the words out loud, doesn’t make my feelings any less true. You know exactly how I feel about you and I know how you feel about me.”

 

“I’m sorry, but it’s over.” Alex didn't believe any of this for a moment. She knew Bernie too well by now; in their five year acquaintance they had been through the worst of times and some of the best. Some of which had been before they became lovers and some since. The deafening silence stretched out between them and seemingly signalled the end of the conversation. Alex couldn't say that she was surprised the older woman had shut it down. When she was like this there was no getting through to her. Alex stood sharply and hoisted her backpack over her shoulder. However, Bernie caught Alex’s arm as she turned to leave.

 

“How long are you here for?” There was a desperate plea in her voice and Alex wasn't sure if Bernie had even realised it was there.

 

“I'd planned to stay best part of a week. I'm not so sure now. I’m going to see Mum afterwards, whenever that may be..” The grief on Bernie’s face was visible and Alex’s heart almost stopped beating with the crushing pain. She sighed deeply and then granted Bernie a reprieve. “Look, I'm booked into the Travelodge in town. I’ll be there until the end of the weekend at least.” She wasn’t going to chase, Alex had never chased a woman in her life and she wasn’t about to start now. Bernie was a grown up and even if this was the most stupid decision she’d ever made in her life, it was hers to make. The older woman could make the effort to come and find her if she was so inclined and if she really wanted to see her that was.


	2. Chapter 2

The hotel was as generic as they came; the corporate decor adorned the reception area, ran along the hallways, corridors and was used throughout all the rooms. For what was probably going to be one of the most important conversations of her life, Bernie found a sardonic amusement in the rather impersonal setting. In some ways it reminded her of hospitals and operating theatres and she also found an odd comfort in that. However, her surroundings were neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things. Alex was the most important element of the evening and as long as they sat down together and talked things through, she'd live with the rest of it. Bernie sat on one of the sofas in reception; her elbows rested on her denim-clad knees with her feet set apart in an attempt at a relaxed pose. She wore a casual, loose fitting flannel shirt and a lightweight jacket. The medic anxiously played with her mobile phone between her hands. She'd texted Alex to say that she'd arrived and was just awaiting confirmation that she was on her way to collect her. 

  
  


***

 

Bernie had spent the rest of the afternoon after Alex’s visit deep in thought. She had been truthful when she'd said that her decision had been easier to make when Alex was but a memory of her time spent in Afghanistan. Now that they had seen each other in person, in her home town and right here in her office, it was so very difficult to ignore the pain in her chest and the feeling that she'd just thrown away the best thing to ever happen to her. 

 

She really wasn't certain as to why she'd agreed to stay for Marcus. She still felt fondly of him but she'd not been in love with him for years, if ever. She had thought she did, had thought that was what it was supposed to feel like. Marcus had expressed his fear of losing her after her operation and Bernie had felt more guilty than she’d ever done so during their entire marriage. But when Alex had come along  she'd understood her instinctively; all her little idiosyncrasies, moods and even when she went into ‘Major Wolfe’ mode. Marcus had never understood his wife, tolerated her quirks, verbally supported her endeavours when he had to but offered her no help to get there. His arguments always came back to her duty as a wife and mother, as though that was all she was allowed to be once she'd wed and birthed. 

 

Two years ago Alex had simply caught her when she'd fallen and they'd grieved together for their lost comrade. The one Bernie hadn't been able to save, the one who had the same name as her youngest child and was almost the same age as the eldest. The event had affected them both and their close friendship had spilled over into something more. 

 

Alex had split from her ex eighteen months previously after an acrimonious separation. Tanya had become increasingly flaky and unreliable for months, and whilst she had never been unfaithful, Alex wouldn’t have put it past her. It seemed it was more to do with the state of her mind than their relationship but it hadn’t made Alex feel any better about it. She'd tried to reach out and help, put Tanya in touch with the right people, but in the end it had been in vain. 

 

Bernie had noticed Alex’s moroseness about the place and whilst not quite firm friends by that point, she'd made it her mission to cheer her up and get her through it. That had begun a weekly routine of a bite to eat and then spending the evening together, often playing cards or talking into the small hours. It didn't look too strange to their comrades as they were the two most senior medics and, as a Captain, Alex was effectively Bernie’s right hand. They'd found more in common than not; a shared dry sense of humour, a passion for the job and not to mention a fiery stubborn streak! They were both comfortable enough with each other to call them out on any bad decisions, both personally or professionally and not fear the other's wrath. Which is what happened the night of Daniel’s death. 

 

Bernie had taken herself away from her team, having felt the full weight of responsibility on her shoulders. She assumed their blame but actually ended up cutting herself off from their support. Alex had surmised her reaction perfectly and went out into the night to find her. The older woman had been a tightly-wound ball of rage; at the unfairness of the world, at the disappointment in herself and was full of doubt about the decisions she'd made that day. 

 

Bernie had initially shouted and screamed at Alex, embarrassed and angered by her presumption. But then, just as suddenly she fell into her arms, grief-stricken and spent. They'd sobbed together, messy and broken, before turning towards each other. It had been like they were seeing each other for the first time; their real selves, all the unspoken layers exposed and raw. If asked, neither could remember who had made the first move, it was just one of those moments where they had been completely in sync and simply came together in a passionate kiss. There was absolutely no hesitation as it was something they had subconsciously been leading up to for months. 

 

They'd consummated their relationship that evening and hadn't looked back since. 

 

***

 

Alex had given Bernie the courage to be herself, to confide in someone and to share the burden with. Bernie did the same for Alex too, she’d had her share of poor odds and bad outcomes to shoulder the responsibility for over the years. But now Bernie was nervous, concerned that her attempt to push Alex away had worked and that she’d gone too far down the line to convince her otherwise. Despite being a proud woman, the Major knew that a good and effective leader was also honest when she knew she’d been wrong. The phone vibrated in her hands and Bernie jumped at the surprise of it. A few moments later and the brunette had appeared in front of her. The younger woman held out her hand and smiled tightly. 

 

“Come on.” Bernie swallowed down the last of her nerves and prepared to head into the fray. She stood and took the offered hand. However, instead of letting go, which was what Bernie had expected her to do, Alex held on and led her to her room, hand in hand. 

 

They took a seat on the tiny settee to the side of the room. The distance between them felt wider than the few inches that they sat apart and Bernie wasn’t comfortable with it remaining that way. 

 

“I'm sorry….” They both said simultaneously after a few moments of awkward silence. 

 

“You go first,” offered Alex. She’d said her piece yesterday and was prepared to give Bernie a chance to explain herself properly. 

 

“You weren’t here to tell me what an idiot I was being.” Bernie started ruefully. “I was a coward by not telling you before, because I knew you'd talk me out of it and then I'd have to tell Marcus and see his reaction for myself. Instead I hurt you and I can't live with that.” Bernie picked up Alex’s hand from across the sofa and looked into her eyes. “I choose you, I don't want to live without you.” 

 

“I can't be messed about again Bernie, you know what I went through last time. If we do this, it's done, no going back.” Alex had had time to think things over too and she was forced to protect herself and her heart first and foremost. “Sometimes you're going to have to be ‘Brave Bernie’ instead of ‘Major Wolfe.’ You have to find the courage to tell Marcus yourself, that's not my problem. But I'll be here, waiting for you right afterwards.” She was forthright in her words but her tone was kind and supportive. 

 

“You're right and I know that. I do. I can't lose you, or the team out there, any of it. You've become so much a part of me.” And it was the truth, Bernie had felt like she had lost a limb these past few weeks without knowing what was going on back at base, thinking she’d started a new life away from it all. 

 

“For me too. Have you  _ any  _ idea what I've been going through these past few weeks? I've been trying to keep it all going without you but while I can get the job done, it's just not quite the same. We need your vision and your expertise. The way you demand the best on the job, the highest professionalism but are always the first to buy a round in the evening. And  _ I _ need you. We're a partnership, a team; both on and off duty.” Bernie was humbled by Alex’s impassioned declaration.

 

“You'd fight for me?” Her tone was clearly surprised and Alex had thought that she'd proved it to her over the last couple of years. 

 

“Yes, but only so far. I'm not going to chase someone who won't commit. You need to sort things out with Marcus, now, and tell me properly, wholeheartedly, how you feel about us. I nearly lost you because of that IED and I had absolutely no right to even know if you had survived your surgery. If you'd have died….” Alex became too choked up with emotion to continue. 

 

“I didn't think… You'd have thought with all our experience I would have done. I'm sorry, and I promise you, here and now, that I won't ever let you go through that again.” Bernie squeezed the hand she was holding in reassurance and smiled gently at her lover. Alex smiled back briefly before turning serious once again. 

 

“Do you mind…?” She asked Bernie as she placed her hand on the patch of bare skin exposed by her wide, open necked collar. There was no need to clarify what the younger woman had meant, considering the conversation they'd just been having. Bernie nodded her head and sat up straighter on the settee in order to take her top off. She lifted it from the hem, up and over her head, and placed it on the floor beside her. 

 

Alex could never be shocked by any kind of post-surgery scar but there was something more fragile about the vertical pink line that ran from the bottom of Bernie’s ribcage, between her breasts and to the top of her breastbone where it met the clavicle. Alex didn't need to lecture Bernie about keeping the scar well moisturised to limit the boldness of it and to promote the elasticity of the scar tissue. It could end up quite tight and irritatingly dry otherwise. 

 

“Hideous isn't it?” Bernie’s remark was in line with her usual dry wit but it also spoke volumes how self-conscious she was about it. 

 

“Never! One of many battle scars you've earned through sheer bloody hard work, determination and length of service. Wear it with pride, not shame.” Alex bent her head forward and pressed affirming kisses along Bernie’s scar, from top to bottom. It wasn’t meant to be sexual or arousing but then Bernie tipped her head back and let out a long, loud sigh. Alex caught her bra-covered left nipple between her lips and flicked her tongue over it several times. A groan reached Alex’s ears and she stopped, suddenly conscious of what she was doing. 

 

“Don't you dare stop!” Bernie barked out in classic command tones through her gritted teeth. 

 

“But, what about..?”  Alex knew that there were still several weeks of recovery time to get through before her lover could get back to normal. Bernie opened her eyes and caught Alex’s with intent.

 

“I'm fine, I won't break and I want this.” She looked pleadingly at Alex and the younger woman was unable to refuse. She moved her head so that she could capture Bernie’s lips in a rousing kiss, both women desperate to reconnect with each other after a long drought. However, Alex paused between rounds of kisses and looked at her lover pointedly. 

 

“I love you Bernie Wolfe. I'm in love with you and I want you back out there with me. Side by side, just as it should be.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written and posted before I've seen Episode Two, so as not to have been influenced by Bernie's actual, real storyline in the series. Thanks to ncruuk for all her encouragement and for not spoiling the next episode for me :)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written immediately after Bernie's first appearance in Holby. Alex is name-checked twice but no gender is specified and I found that intriguing and so of course I interpreted that as lesbian subtext! 
> 
> Alex is played by Heather Peace in my head, because I know she's currently filming with the Holby cast :) 
> 
> This will all, of course, be superseded by actual events in the program and will eventually bear no resemblance to anything we see on screen.


End file.
